When the Holidays Bring Grief
With the holidays coming up, I needed to share my personal struggle. Every year from November into early January is filled with family functions, but my family looks so different than it used to that I find myself sad and nostalgic for days gone by. My mother passed away in 2017, and shortly after that, my father stepped out of my life.
If you come into the season with similar feelings of grief, I wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, even if you occasionally feel like you are.
Can You Grieve and Still Have Faith?
I remember our previous church had a “Got Questions” sermon series where people could submit real faith questions, and then they would work through them from the pulpit. I asked, “Is it okay to grieve still when I am confident I will see her again in heaven?”
That question could have easily said, “Am I alone in this?” Having wrestled with this for nearly a decade, here’s what I want you to know and how you can help those who grieve around you.
Death and Grief Were Not God’s Original Design
First, this was not the original design. When we go back to the Garden in Genesis, we see a place of plenty where mankind walked with God. It was good. Once sin enters the picture, we are told, “To dust you will return.” In simplest terms, death and grief are a product of sin. I take solace in knowing that God didn’t design us to live in a world where we would have to say goodbye to the people that mattered to us. If you are grieving a person or a dream that didn’t come to fruition, please know He weeps with you.
Comforting Those Who Grieve: Lessons From Job
The Bible has a few beautiful examples of grief, and they can teach us so much. Start with me in Job 2:11–13:
When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
They wept, they grieved, and then they sat down with him and let him be the one who broke the silence.
In Western culture, we do not like to sit with someone else when they grieve. It is uncomfortable. What do we say? What do we do? So we show up and drop off a casserole and say, “If you need me… just let me know.”
Don’t shy away from sitting with discomfort and waiting. Drop off the casserole, but keep checking back in on them.
Jesus Weeps With Those Who Grieve
Another wonderful example is in John 11, when Lazarus has died. Jesus is confronted with the grief of Mary and Martha; Martha goes so far as to tell Jesus that if only he had been there when she called for him, Lazarus wouldn’t have died. Jesus doesn’t offer her meaningless words. There’s no “He is in a better place,”. Jesus offers her hope. Jesus weeps with her. Knowing what he was there to do and knowing that Lazarus really was in a better place, he wept.
Remembering the Love That Remains
One last piece of Scripture on grieving is in Acts 9:36–39:
In Joppa there was a disciple named Tabitha (in Greek her name is Dorcas); she was always doing good and helping the poor. About that time she became sick and died, and her body was washed and placed in an upstairs room. Lydda was near Joppa; so when the disciples heard that Peter was in Lydda, they sent two men to him and urged him, “Please come at once!”
Peter went with them, and when he arrived he was taken upstairs to the room. All the widows stood around him, crying and showing him the robes and other clothing that Dorcas had made while she was still with them.
The widows clung to the tangible proof of Tabitha’s love for others—the proof that she had lived among them and that her life had influence. Take heart: the love we invest in the kingdom lasts for generations. As you face the holidays, you may feel the ache of an empty chair even as you give thanks for the love that person poured into your life. You don’t have to choose between gratitude and grief. And if someone around you is carrying that ache, make room for it. Say their loved one’s name, listen to a memory, and remind them they don’t have to walk through this season alone.
Trusting God Through Grief This Holiday Season
Who needs you to sit with them and listen without trying to explain away their pain? Where is grief making it difficult for you to trust God this holiday season, and what would it look like to bring that hurt honestly to Him?
