During a marriage study, one woman unexpectedly began to cry. The rest of us had been laughing as we shared stories about the small, everyday disagreements we have with our spouses. Once spoken out loud, most of our “big fights” sounded surprisingly ordinary, even a little funny.
But when it was her turn, she looked around the room with tears in her eyes and said, “You fight? I thought we were the only ones.”
At that moment, we realized she hadn’t learned about marriage from honest relationships. She had learned from polished appearances. She had watched Christian couples smile at church and assumed healthy marriages never struggled. It wasn’t a lesson anyone intentionally taught her, but it was one she had caught all the same.
More Is Caught Than Taught in Christian Discipleship
What are people learning from watching your life?
More is caught than taught.
As your co-workers, peers and neighbors see what you do (or don’t do) they are learning a lesson from your life. If someone followed you around for six months, what would they learn from you?
The Danger of Filtered Christianity
I’m not sure about you, but that question causes me to want to start tidying up the less beautiful parts of my life. My half done bible study, my messy kitchen, and the loud areas of my life need tidying up before I bring someone in. I want them to see who I wish I was, not who I am.
Because we’re uncomfortable letting people see our real life, we often replace life-on-life with scheduled events.
Instead of inviting someone into our lives, we make new events.
“Let’s meet for coffee!” or “let’s start a bible study”
Instead of authentic life, we curate, filter and cultivate an image adjacent to life-on-life.
What keeps us from inviting people into our lives?
For a lot of us it’s the busyness of life. Depending on your season of life, you may be juggling work, your walk with the Lord, raising a family and investing in the relationships God has given you. If I asked you to also disciple another believer, the calendar looks full. There’s no place to add another nightly event.
Instead of adding to the calendar, let’s add the discipleship relationship to what we are already doing.
Invite your key person over for a dinner you are already making. Invite them to the study and church you are already attending. Soccer season? Invite them to come to your kids games.
Why Life-on-Life Discipleship Matters
If they learn more from what they catch, they should see you in multiple settings.
If they only see you at church, they will catch how you take notes, or how you worship. But if they see you at church, at lunch, at the soccer field, and with your family, they will learn how to discuss the sermon with others, how to handle conflict with the referee, and how to be married well. What they catch from you becomes a whole life instead of fragments.
One night at dinner with a group, a bunch of the smaller kids ran screaming with joy through the room of adults. Apologies were made for the noise, but one couple specifically had gotten a little emotional. They had both grown up in homes where being loud kids wasn’t allowed. They caught the lesson that that wasn’t how these kids were being raised. They caught that our house felt safer than their childhood homes had.
We didn’t even know it was a lesson they needed, but having them in our home without filters taught the lesson. We couldn’t have covered the lesson in a coffee shop discussion.
Authentic Faith Is Taught Through Everyday Moments
When we walk authentically, we can bring people into our busy, messy lives knowing that God is there. He will redeem the mess, and the lessons taught and caught will be beneficial to the next generation.
As you step into this week I want to challenge you to think through your invitations. Who can you invite into your life? Are you living life authentically, or is it filtered?
This article was sparked by Episode #250 of the Into the Harvest podcast. You can listen to the full conversation here.
